bye bye.

found out some interesting news today, long story short, DARPA basically has just pulled the plug on our project, somewhat unexpectedly. and basically everyone on the project is suddenly laid off and are all now running around trying to figure out what to do. My PhD career is over, at least on this, no more funding, no more research. Though the news didn't really bother me much, somehow I even felt a little bit of relief for some reason, like the uncertainty it brings was actually kind of exciting, and now I'm completely free to choose any path and opportunities present to devote my life to my calling, whatever that may be. I was never so sure about where this project could lead me in the first place, and now an easy decision has been made for me. I feel free, and it's a good feeling, even though a little unsettling

I was on my way to ME284, and there was this girl sitting on the stairs outside crying pretty hard. I thought about stopping but then I was already late for class and I wanted to return the midterms to the students before Charley begins lecture, so I decided I didn't want to stop. As I walked past her and away, I hesitated and second thought it, and was like, "man...", it felt like I really should check on her, because I'm the kind of person who would, who else will? sigh, I guess being a couple more minutes late was probably worth it. I walked back and sat down beside her and asked if she was okay. she was a little surprised. she told me that it was something school related and so it really shouldn't be that serious. I thought the coinsidence was funny. I told her just like 5 minutes ago I just found out I lost my job. she laughed and said omg I should be the one crying. it seemed that gave her some perspective. I was reminded again how random things are just not random. I don't think I've ever run across a crying stranger in my life, and how this just happened at a seemingly precise timing...

Talked to a few more people about near-future plans. It seems like the whole Bioe department is in a state of emergency because of this, even though it was only our lab's project. It was moving to see how much willingness there are of people trying to help us sort things out and arrange support.

Personally, I'm on TAship until Spring quarter so I'm fine for the next couple months. As for what happens after, I'll be figuring that out in the meantime. I'm comfortable here at Stanford, and many things are coming together after three years I've invested, I don't feel like I want to throw it all away and leave it all again now.. I've done that too much in the past. but at the same time I'm looking forward to where He will lead me in life and what He leads me to do. Change is thrilling. and I feel like this is an opportunity He's giving me to re-evaluate the direction of my life and my career and really make a right choice under His guidance. I've never been mature enough to make a major decision listening to Him, and now I finally have a chance, I'm really looking forward to it